Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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