who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The best revenge is premature balding
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize