Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
