Don't you send me to vm
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
