Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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