I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
