thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
