just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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