the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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