My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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