you have to choose: penises or morals?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
