If that was your dad, he is hot
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
