Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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