its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize