Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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