I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
