why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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