My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
