you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
