did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
