im six kinds of drunk right now
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Still dying that you shit outside
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
