I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
