can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
