Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
