If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
