It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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