just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
