I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
