Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
