I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
