you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
