I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
