Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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