i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize