You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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