I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
