I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
