While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
