I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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