I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
