my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
