Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
