There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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