And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
