I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
please don't ironically join a cult
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