Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
