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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But what if he licks everyones ass?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm not a mortal combat character

  (410): View more from Maryland

  but my vagina is

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• (646): View more from New York

  Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  ... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.

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• (949): View more from California

  Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut

  (714): View more from California

  I think mark twain said that originally

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE

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