How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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