i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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