I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
