Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize