The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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