btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
