I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
