I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
