I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
