I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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