Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
