i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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