so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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