I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He shit in the fireplace
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
