Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
