Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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