"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
