Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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