I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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