remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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