Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
