i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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