Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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